And… PURGE!

Today’s a day for cleaning house, literally and figuratively.   With a nip in the air, the first feeling of Fall is afloat, which has propelled me into a frenzied need to purge, to clean, to make room…

I know a lot of people get this in the Spring, but I’ve always had the thought that the best time to purge and make some space is before Winter, when you’re likely to be stuck indoors with all the crap you wish you had thrown out.

It started yesterday, when, after a weekend of gluttony which was preceded by a week of no gym time, I decided I needed to detox and focus on my physical health again, find my center.   So I began drinking detox tea, and more water than I can measure.   A funny thing happens to me when I detox, it makes me emotional.   Yes, this is a fun time to be around Carrie.  When she’s not running to the bathroom to pee for the 20th time in an hour, she’s having emotional outbursts, saying something horribly mean, or crying when you look at her cross eyed.   Really, it’s the best.  It’s almost as fun as being Carrie right now, except you just get to watch from the outside.

I get to be inside my own head going, “Oh great, I just burst into tears for no fucking good reason again.  As luck would have it, it’s allergy season so I can blame my puffy face and mascara running down my cheeks on the pollen/mold/whatthefuckever that’s floating around.”

So great, my body is detoxing.  There’s Fall Purge step one.   Next, my home.  I’ll admit, I’ve been living defiantly like a college kid for the past 6 months.  Initially, when my ex moved out, I was having so much fun decorating, putting my own stamp on things, that my house was Better Homes and Gardens clean 24/7.   I might as well have put on an apron and called myself June Cleaver.

One day, I wasn’t feeling that great, and not up to cleaning.  I had an “ah ha!” moment.  I didn’t have to clean.  I didn’t HAVE to do a damn thing except make sure the children were fed and had clean clothes to wear to school.  But I didn’t have to keep a perfect house for anyone.  No one was going to raise an eyebrow to me if I didn’t immediately scrub the pan I cooked in.  I could leave it in the sink for a day.  I could throw my socks on the floor, not make the bed, leave my makeup strewn all over the bathroom counter.

Ha!  I could do whatever I wanted.  It was liberating.  And also the reason I’m needing a full weekend of solid organizing to get back to where I was.    I’ve become a horrible housekeeper, and this is driving the Virgo in me berserk.   I like order, crave order, NEED order… so the state of my house gives you an idea of the state of my mind right now.

I’m working through the house from corner to corner.   I’m tackling a section at a time so I don’t get side tracked.  I’m getting rid of crap I don’t need, scrubbing things within an inch of their lives, and thinking.   This kind of mindless sorting/cleaning/purging helps me to do the same in my head.

Usually, about once a year, I’ll kind of do a mental inventory of the people in my life.   I think about the relationships I have, their dynamic, and what I’m getting out of each.   Generally, this is when I do a big Facebook delete, getting rid of the superfluous “friends” who aren’t really friends.  And, I often cut ties with those in my life who are not healthy for me, who are toxic in some way.

So, as I give my poor knees a break from scrubbing floors (I need kneepads), I’m blogging and thinking.    Also, I’m counting my blessings that aside from the dog, I have no one who needs my attention for the evening.   I can blare my music, and focus on decluttering my life in its entirety.